Mr. Okoh,

Thank our shared Nigerian Spring-Air Mattress gods that you wrote to me at this most providential time in our history. As that very time is of the essence, I have chosen to respond to you 'Corey-style', by highlighting my answers to your text in red.

MR.EDWARD OKOH.

EMAIL:okoh06@email.com

FAX:234-17597594

                    URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

Dear  friend,

First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, which is of mutual benefit. This is by virtue of it's nature of being utterly confidential.I am sure and have confidence of your ability, and reliability to prosecute a transaction of this great magnitude.

Dude, you have me, like, so entrusted to you. The fact that it is of mutual benefit can only profit us both. I am certain and brook no doubt that this transaction, despite not yet knowing what its, can only enrich the living shit out of both of us.

We are top Officials of the Federal Government Contract review Panel

I hear you, Strong Black Man: At this bar in Sherman Oaks they've got some Bottom Officials. They pay for your drinks and everything.

'who are interested in importation of goods into our country with funds which are presently trapped in Nigeria. In order to commence this business, we need your assistance to enable us transfer funds into your account. As members of the Contract Review Panel set up  by the Government of Nigeria to review all contracts from 1983 to the present, we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria ready for payment.

The other night I had, like, 15 Fuzzy Navels and you should see the inflated contract funds I have floating in my Central Bank of Nigeria! (But seriously ' they're huge pieces of shit I still can't flush.)

By virtue of our position as Civil Servants and members of this Panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names, in this regard I have been delegated by my colleagues of the review Panel to look for an overseas partner into whose account we would transfer the sum of US$21,320,000.00 (Twenty -One Million, Three Hundred and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars) hence we take the liberty to write you.

The money will be shared as follows:-

 1. 20% for the account owner

 2. 70% for us (The Officials)

 3. 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses.

Whoa. That is A LOT OF MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am honored that you would trust me with this much cash. Especially since I wrote the following ditty in last year's World Limerick Review:

Please note that this transaction will take between 7 to 10 working days  from the date of receipt of the following information by my web fax+-1-7752551403, Your Company's signed and stamped letterhead with a transcribed "Text" which we would send to you upon receipt of your reply with a letter of interest. The above information will enable us write letter of claim, and Job description by using your Company name to apply for payment for the above stated amount. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above Fax number.

Detailed information of this pending business transaction will be sent to you as soon as I hear from you.

Yours faithfully,

Mr.Edward Okoh

Like I said, I am so happy you wrote to me when you did. I've been cutting my methadone with Excedrin lately, and the feeling I get is like a cross between pouring melted wax on my gonads and the 'Climb Ev'ry Mountain' scene from 'The Sound of Music'. You can count on me to send you a letterhead as soon as my social worker signs me out of this DYS facility. After that, I will need some startup funds to go back to heroin full-time, because you don't want me working on this low-grade poseur-horse. Please send me your credit card number with expiration date so that I might obtain monies with which I can purchase wares and certain equipments. It will also be necessary to appropriate finery (like pyjamas) and foodstuffs (like yoghurt) so that I might appear my best whilst playing at quoits.

I bid you keep this exchange in the stricty-strictest of confidence, as I am under investigation for baby-shaking.

Yours,

Marty Barrett

NOTE: PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER(VE/S/09/99)IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.....

Consider it quoted. And here's a quote for you:

'The defendant, Mr. Barrett, appeared unsteady on his feet as a steady stream of urine rolled lazily down his leg. At this point he began screaming in the Denny's parking lot that he was a 'respected Nigerian ex-officio cabinet member.' He was placed in four-point restraints and sectioned to a minimum-security facility.'

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