Giving a hoot
 This picture reminds me of one of my favorite Bible stories:
Jesus asked His disciples: "Why doesn't Smokey Bear have any children?"
They answered Him, "We don't know, Lord. Tell us."
Then He replied unto them: "Because every time his wife gets hot, he hits her over the head with a shovel."
Previously: Los Angeles on three senses a day
Labels: fire, jesus, los angeles
Los Angeles on three senses a day
 The ring of fire surrounding - but not penetrating - Los Angeles presents familiar sensations, and I have called upon all the descriptive instincts of my profession to translate the feeling of impending doom to people who don't live here.
Tactile
Los Angeles feels like the air is about to catch fire, as if all this dense, warm air needs is someone to light a match.
In that way, Los Angeles is like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Visual
Los Angeles looks gray, though today's temperature (95 degrees) would suggest a sunny day. I wipe off my glasses before I drive home and am surprised by how much debris has collected on them, and my windshield when I park outside is covered with a thin film.
It's like being in an Irish bar from noon 'til close.
Olfactory
- It smells like the char I would scrape off the grills at the end of my shift at McDonalds when I was 15. Back then, we would throw ice cubes on our grill, and then power-scrape the residue with a special tool. Los Angeles feels like the resulting steam and smells like the resulting sludge.
- It smells like Mexico City and Sao Paulo, Brazil.
- It smells like someone else's burnt microwave popcorn through a dirty vent.
All in all, it still smells better than New York.
Previously: Fire on the mountain; "No chance" of Catalina fire spreading to L.A.; L.A. is burningLabels: fire, los angeles
Officials: "No chance" of Catalina fire spreading to L.A.
 Fire spokesmen (as if the four Empedoclean Elements can have a spokesperson ... fine, I'm the Earth spokesman) say there is "no chance" the thousand-acre fire raging on the island of Santa Catalina can reach Los Angeles, 40 miles across the Pacific Ocean.
Firefighters maintain the blaze is about 70 percent contained and "couldn't possibly" spread to Hollywood.
This is just another example of The Man trying to keep us fat and ignorant.
 Firefighters came from as far away as Los Angeles and Camp Pendleton to save the hills of Santa Catalina Island and its main city, Avalon. How? By plane and boat. Don't tell me some fire couldn't sneak on a plane or boat and disembark on this side to kill our fish and ducks.
I am not naturally an alarmist, but in the same way it has been scientifically proven that earthquakes can use trains to threaten any city that Amtrak services, so can fire hop on a boat. Those killer ants did it, so why can't fire?
See also: Wildfire Threatens a Southern California Resort Island (nytimes.com)Labels: fire, los angeles, news, the apocalypse
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