 If Robert Shaw had his way, today would be the 62nd anniversary of the sinking of the U.S.S. Indianapolis, but it's not.Labels: "all that jaws"
Apple's Defence of the Realm
 We define ourselves more and more by what we have than what we believe or what we do (unless we are militant vegans, and in that case I say defining oneself by what one has is a good alternative).
Here are some people in line at the Northridge Apple Store, eight hours ahead of the iPhone becoming available and maybe ten hours before their disappointment with it (because they'll have to get it home, get it out of the box, and charge it).
I was surprised to hear that Apple Stores are closing today at 2 or 3 to get ready for the big unveiling at 6 p.m., and will probably darken their windows.
This is very much like the U.K.'s Defence of the Realm Act (DORA), instituted in the early days of World War I, that resulted in rationing, censorship, the curtailing of citizens' right to fly kites, and a restriction on the hours pubs could stay open (in order to keep a healthy workforce).
Apple's Steve Jobs said that he had scheduled the evening launch so people wouldn't skip work.
See also: The Home Front in World War OneLabels: apple, faulty technology, los angeles
Your heart attack, with cole slaw
 The Pantry is one of the oldest restaurants in Los Angeles, located up the street from where the Lakers and Clippers lose. It is owned by former L.A. Mayor Richard Riordan, who is also responsible for many of the bike paths in the city.
 I go here every year around this time for three days in a row, because I like to protest Erotica L.A. at the nearby convention center. This year I'll be holding the sign that says "You're Lucky I'm Not God."
 Here is the chicken-fried steak platter. It comes with peas, mashed potatoes, your doom, and a stack of bread with an equally high stack of butter pats. Cole slaw is extra, and usually I just finish that in the ambulance.
See also: Pantry CafeLabels: food, los angeles
Sneaking up on Simon Bolivar
 I was in San Francisco this weekend and encountered Simon Bolivar, liberator of Venezuela, Panama, Peru, Ecuador, and Bolivia astride his horse in front of City Hall.
"Hey, Simon," I said. He kept looking the other way.
"Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Simon, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Simon. Look over here. Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Simon."
Finally I got tired.
"You look like Abraham Lincoln," I said.Labels: art, california, latin america, san francisco, simon bolivar
 As tied in to the high school industry as it is, American Heritage Dictionary Publisher Houghton Mifflin still manages to astonish with its blatant product placement in this month's publication of "100 Words Every High School Graduate Should Know".
The list also targets parents, hinting that they, too, should run to a bookstore and buy a dictionary - say, an American Heritage Dictionary - and look up words like "quotidian", which is a person from Glendale who won't shut up about William Saroyan.
Gee, maybe every member of the family should have a dictionary. That's about as bad as the U.S. Government stamping its logo all over my cheese.
After some thought, I put together a sentence with all 100 words, defining each in context so you wouldn't have to further enslave yourself to the Linguo-Educational complex.
I like to abjure abrogate abstemious acumen antebellum auspicious belie bellicose bowdlerize chicanery chromosome churlish circumlocution circumnavigate deciduous deleterious diffident enervate enfranchise epiphany equinox euro evanescent expurgate facetious fatuous feckless fiduciary filibuster gamete gauche gerrymander hegemony hemoglobin homogeneous hubris hypotenuse impeach incognito incontrovertible inculcate infrastructure interpolate irony jejune kinetic kowtow laissez faire lexicon loquacious lugubrious metamorphosis mitosis moiety nanotechnology nihilism nomenclature nonsectarian notarize obsequious oligarchy omnipotent orthography oxidize parabola paradigm parameter pecuniary photosynthesis plagiarize plasma polymer precipitous quasar quotidian recapitulate reciprocal reparation respiration sanguine soliloquy subjugate suffragist supercilious tautology taxonomy tectonic tempestuous thermodynamics totalitarian unctuous usurp vacuous vehement vortex winnow wrought xenophobe yeoman ziggurat three or four times daily if I can get away with it.
Notice there's no "eleemosynary" on the list. I guess they'll toss that one out in the deluxe package after you've already bought this one. Lucasfilm should start printing dictionaries.
See also: 100 Words Every High School Graduate Should KnowLabels: books
Walt Churro
 Are churros sold at Florida's Disney World, or is that treat strictly a Disney Land option?
I could research this, maybe even visit the Disney World website, but that would seem intellectually lazy. A far more vigorous thing to do would be to wait for people to respond to this post.
For TAARG's umpteenth birthday this week we traveled to Disneyland. I like to think I am not a cheap bastard, but I made sure we packed a lunch rather than pay $11 for a child-size peanut butter sandwich at Minnie's Crust Hollow in New Orleans Square.
As TAARG got in free because she got a gift pass for her birthday, here are our expenses:
Parking: $11
Adult admission (with $5 Southern California resident discount): $78
Child under three admission: Free
A hat, a keychain, some lollipops: $34
A churro and a small bottle of Aquafina water: $5.75
Cost of the same churro and water at Costco: $2.75
Cost of the same churro and water at 7-11: $3.25
Non-Disney expenses:
Two Subway foot-long subs, with chips: $14.75
Four bottles of stupid Vitamin Water, from Ralph's: $4
Two Hostess pies (Ralph's again): $3.75
If we had purchased those items at Disneyland, based on the 103 percent over-Costco markup: $50
I can only imagine how much Disney would charge for gas if it could be worked into the narrative that Goofy owned a Chevron.
I love Disneyland. It is more of a local attraction for California residents than Disney World is for Floridians. It is just run-down enough to get away with being charming, even if the ridiculous prices do a good job of sucking the charm out of the place.
 The American Girl (she has graduated from ACI status) spent over an hour in Disneyland's various splash parks, outlasting successive waves of children. Her mother and I were both strangely proud of this, even as our daughter looked like a waterlogged piece of bread by the end of it.
See also: Disneyland Deaths; Waiting in line to die; Uncle WaltLabels: california, tot
 I am very proud of my friend David Coleman, who was musical director for many of the shows I did in Boston. He is now the choral director of the Dana Hall School in Wellesley, MA, living a "World According to Garp" existence with his family on campus. He recently brought his students to Fenway Park to sing the National Anthem.
His is a great arrangement, free of crotch-grabbing (at least on camera), and you can hear the tribute to his gospel choir roots in "red glare".
Watch the video here.
I worked with David on and off for more than ten years, with Guilty Children, my old improv group, through the Orange Show in Boston (not to be confused with the one in San Bernardino with which it had nothing in common), and many solo shows. There would be at least two points in every show in which David would laugh so hard he would cry, slam the keys on his piano, and threaten to quit the show.
Oddly enough, the musical director for "All That Jaws", Tyrone Merriner, would threaten to leave the show "in a snit" each day of rehearsals. "I am going to have a snit and leave," he would say. I didn't know until recently how common among keyboard players this behavior was.
See also: I would never expect this from a Canadian; David Coleman
Labels: boston, friends
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