 All That Jaws premiered last week to much rejoicing. We are currently seeking investors for a full scale production and tour. We have had a few interesting bites (pardon the pun) (I hate when people say that) (and yet I just did) (I must be one of those self-hating Jaws) (Pardon the pun).
I am tempted to put the whole script and cast album online, but it's probably not a good idea. I want you to buy $400 seats in Vegas with the topless shark.
For more information on the show, where it's been, and what it's up to, visit The Jaws Blog.Labels: "all that jaws", performance
 I took a wrong turn the other day and wound up deep in the Angeles Forest, Meth Lab Capital of Southern California (I'd call it Methlabia, but that's something else entirely).
It was a pretty drive, save for the feeling that things might burst into flame at any moment. Still, I felt I was being watched.Labels: "all that jaws", california
 I am very impressed with the work of the cast and band of All That Jaws, which has reached the stage that I can sing its praises without feeling like I'm bragging. I've been spending a lot of time in the fire-prone mountain town of Wrightwood, CA at the Analog Cabin where the band is rehearsing, and this Friday's preview performance in Santa Monica is going to be very impressive.
All That Jaws debuts at L.A.'s Out of Bounds West Improv Festival at 11:59 p.m. on Friday, May 25, 2007. Tickets are available here (choose the Saturday May 26 at 12 a.m. option). Songs include "I Use My Throat", "Jesus H. Christ Hooperstar", and "Eating Me Softly". THE CAST: MARC ANTONIO PRITCHETT as HOOPER
DAVID KAUFMAN as QUINT
MARTY BARRETT as BRODY
BRITTAN EGNOZZI as ELLEN
PAUL HUNGERFORD as MAYOR VAUGHN
ANASTASIA WASHINGTON as MRS. KINTNER
JESSICA HOPKINS as CHRISSIE
BRIAN DESCHENEAUX as TOM
TYRONE MERRINER as GOTTLIEB
and JASON SECHREST as BRUCE
MUSICAL DIRECTOR: TYRONE MERRINER
See also: All That JawsLabels: "all that jaws", performance
Officials: "No chance" of Catalina fire spreading to L.A.
 Fire spokesmen (as if the four Empedoclean Elements can have a spokesperson ... fine, I'm the Earth spokesman) say there is "no chance" the thousand-acre fire raging on the island of Santa Catalina can reach Los Angeles, 40 miles across the Pacific Ocean.
Firefighters maintain the blaze is about 70 percent contained and "couldn't possibly" spread to Hollywood.
This is just another example of The Man trying to keep us fat and ignorant.
 Firefighters came from as far away as Los Angeles and Camp Pendleton to save the hills of Santa Catalina Island and its main city, Avalon. How? By plane and boat. Don't tell me some fire couldn't sneak on a plane or boat and disembark on this side to kill our fish and ducks.
I am not naturally an alarmist, but in the same way it has been scientifically proven that earthquakes can use trains to threaten any city that Amtrak services, so can fire hop on a boat. Those killer ants did it, so why can't fire?
See also: Wildfire Threatens a Southern California Resort Island (nytimes.com)Labels: fire, los angeles, news, the apocalypse
Nature loves Her little surprises
 Not to take anything away from Joe Walsh, founder of the James Gang, replacement guitarist in the Eagles, solo act, road warrior, Cleveland booster, but I was still surprised to see someone with a Joe Walsh bumper sticker.
I called my friend Brian, the only person other than you who would've cared.
"Who has a Joe Walsh bumper sticker?" I asked, noting that there was no "Hotel California" or "Ordinary Average Guy" iconography (though the driver also had Twinkies and Devo stickers).
"Maybe it's Joe Walsh," he said.
Joe Walsh doesn't seeem to be a sticker-inspiring person, despite his talent and many contributions, such as "Funk #49". I would be just as surprised to see a Bryan Ferry, Blossom Dearie, Sarah Brightman, John Entwistle, or Duff McKagan bumper sticker.
The Sentra turned on Silverlake Blvd. and was gone. I probably spooked him. No doubt he locked the doors in case of attack.
Previously: Tearing that hotel down, contextually; Phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust; Socially avoidant behavior at the happiest place on Earth
See also: Joe WalshLabels: found, los angeles, photos, pop
600 acres of Griffith Park on the east side of Los Angeles were consumed in a brush fire that started yesterday at around 2 p.m. The LAFD says the fire is half contained now.
The smudge in the center of the picture is a plane dropping water on the fire.
This is the church atop Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale. I got in after dark and wondered if the gates would be locked behind me. That would've stunk, because I am resistant to my mortality.
This picture was taken across the L.A. River from Griffith Park around 8:15 p.m.
Previously: Wish you were here (and dead); Fire on the mountainLabels: los angeles
Bonsai Mariachi
 According to El Diario del Trovador Cientifico, a trade journal, the newer, more compact mariachi will be easier to transport across borders, less expensive to clothe, and is a natural tenor. Pitfalls include greater vulnerability to el chupacabra and ducks.Labels: mexico, news
 Spam constitutes 83 percent of my incoming mail (and nearly all of my outgoing mail, as I earn my living from manufacturing college diplomas and cooking up male enhancement pills in my lab) and I am usually adept at spotting it.
I have always been impressed and interested by new forms of spam. First were things like mass e-mailed Neiman Marcus cookie recipes, followed by messages disseminated in the days before people knew how to use Blind Carbon Copy, necessitating the invention of opt-in lists and the word "netiquette", that dictated not swiping someone's e-mail list and writing in all caps.
Now, while I still get nostalgia-inducing spams that begin this way:
MR.MICKY BULO
Investment Manager,
Safe Deposit Bank.
Lusaka, Zambia
Email:mickybulo@netscape.net
Dear Sir,
This is an urgent and very confidential I am MICKY BULO, Investment Manager of Safe Deposit Bank Zambia currently on a short Banking programme here in United Kingdom (UK).On March 6,1998, a Foreign Oil consultant/contractor with the National Petroleum Corporation, Mr.Gerald Welsh made a numbered time(Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$5,500,000.00,(Five Million, five hundred thousand Dollars)in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month,we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the National Petroleum Corporation that Mr.Gerald Welsh died in a plane crash along with his wife on the 31st October 1999 in an Egyptian airline 990 with other passenger on board.
On further investigation,I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr.Gerald Welsh did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents,including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$5,500,000.00 has carefully been fixed in my bank for safekeeping.No one will ever come forward to claim it.
and:
I am a staff of NatWest Bank London. I am writing following an oppurtunity in my office that will be of benefit to both of us and the needy. In my department we discovered a floating account with twenty Six million,five hundred thousand British Pounds in an account belonging to one of our customers,Mr. Morris Thompson(now late),an American who died in the plane crash of Alaska Airline Flight 261 which crashed on January 31st,2000 with both his wife and only daughter. I also get spams that evade filters by having so much discontiguous information in them that they are fun to read just so I can feel what it must be like to have had a stroke, like:
my father served on the uss nevada during the pearl harbor attack unfortunately he is blind but loved to hear of this it brought back many memories thank you.
the vast majority of material that are just initials- eva edpm etc are all synthetic rubber latex foam products - no natural rubber.
was another member of the figaro family who played football at notre dame and was a football head coach at vermillion catholic church in abbeville.
hey my whole english class came to this site lots of info nice job and ill catch u on the flip side.
you are a great person and a great friend i am very glad that i have gotten the chance to talk to you i hope that your guestbook finally likes me. and:
it was and still is the custom of spanish speaking countries to keep the surname of the father as the middle name and the surname of the mother as the last name in marriage. In fact, it seems my friend Gaby might have a future in writing spam, as her stories are often indistinguishable from it.
Here are some recent spam subject lines that avoid problem words by just being weird:
But cordele be calipatria
Is turgid whichever mach
Be my vestal
by to lordsburg There are also baiting subject lines, leading one to believe the sender is someone you know:
What Karen said about you
Sorry about last night
She's thinking of leaving
Don't worry about it - this time (I clicked on this immediately. It was about mortgages)
The file I promised Today I got:
You like entice fishwife with big? (I misread this as "You like big Entwife with fish?" because I am dyslexic. I suppose I do.) My favorite new spam pops up on YouTube. It hearkens back to snail-mail chain letters. I found the following when I was searching for "Cult of Snap":
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. You will get kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. However, if you don't post this comment to at least 3 videos, you will die within 2 days. Copy and paste this, to be saved. I suppose I could invest in a better spam filter, but spam really seems to be the way literature is headed, and how am I going to cash in if I'm not up on it?
Some day I will write the Great American Novel and it will consist entirely of spam, because books are only what we know already. I will call it "Base easy my cumquat".
Previously: Letters from Nigeria (2002)Labels: faulty technology, found, literature, pop, spam
 I went back to Lowell, where I was born and lived the first 17 years of my life (I'm 19 now) for about :30 this past weekend.
I haven't spent any time visiting the city's historic areas since I was a National Park Ranger there, so on my way to my Uncle Frank's birthday party I took a self-guided tour, not hitting nearly as many places as I would have liked (or visiting with anyone not related to me).
These are the Pawtucket Falls on the Merrimack River. It's nice to see a river with water in it now and then.
Click here for a gallery.
All that's left: That was the week that was, Center for Lowell History, Tyler ParkLabels: lowell, massachusetts, photos, travel
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