Filthy Animals
 As you well know, I revel in a peaceful domestic coccoon, where I never get sick, I never get older, and I won't ever die.
That is why I am sometimes shocked by the behavior of the beasts I keep.
Since the arrival of my daughter, TAARG's neutered cat, Jonah, has developed a fetish for a few of her toys, which he will carry around in his mouth, meowing plaintively, and then mount.
These are children's toys.
At first he would be filled with shame and try to hide his deeds, but he has grown more brazen lately. Here you see Roswell looking on, horrified, as Jonah molests a teddy bear in broad daylight. A teddy bear that has been ruined for my daughter, by the way.
Each night we have to stash the pungent teddy bear and wind-up rabbit or Jonah will prove his depravity on them. I'm sure that one day he's going to kidnap one of them and take it to Mexico.
Lack of a Dog
 The first time I met an accessory dog, my friend's now-ex-wife had purchased a very small animal that she would carry around in a bag. It was excitable and would often eat its own feces, as if it realized it lacked substance. The dog went with my friend following the divorce, and he still acts sheepish about owning it.
The other night, however, I met a woman who promotes clubs. They must be very sullen clubs, because the woman was often morose. In a much smaller bag she keeps a teacup chihuahua of the type Paris Hilton employs. The dog stayed in this woman's bag and slept as drinks were served around it, dropping rabbit-sized pellets onto the woman's keys.
"How long do these dogs live?" I asked.
"I don't know," she said.
"Do they fetch?" I asked. She just looked at me.
Because of this, I didn't ask my next question, which was "Are they capable of love?" because, clearly, looking as it did so much like a cat, its incapacity for real affection was obvious.
Later, we tried to use the dog as bait in the resturant's giant aquarium, but the koi were unimpressed.
At first, I thought it wasn't real
 This restaurant is on Wilshire near LFP. I think this is a good indicator of your service industry career having hit bottom.
Several years ago some friends and I wrote up a list of ridiculous potential Howard Johnson's lounge names, and "Chez Nibbler" was one of them, as were "Ruminants", "Lycanthropes", and "The Swingin' Sty Dribblebar".
Potter Familias
 I finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince this weekend and in my opinion it is one of the best of the series. I was very disappointed in the previous one, but HBP was a great pleasure to read.
Here are some spoilers:
1. Someone dies (The Witch King)
2. A couple hooks up (Beezus and Ramona)
3. It ends with a twist (Hogwarts was actually 'Nam, and all the wizards were on 'Ladder)
Only a Nobody Parks Correctly in Glendale
 There are worse things in the world than this. For example, in my other life, someone wants to kill me. Also, there is the Nazgul.
Still, to come home to find cars parked so sloppily, thus making it impossible to fit one more car in, causes me distress.
If everyone would have moved just a couple of feet ahead, there would have been room for me. Instead, I had to circle the neighborhood like it was, I don't know, Boston after a snowstorm.
Do you SEE any snow here?
This is still California. There is still plenty of space. But I think the residents of this neighborhood park the way they drive; asymmetrically and thinking they should have been dead years ago. There is no sense of Manifest Destiny in the parking - there is no moving further westward. There is only Bleeding Kansas.
 This sound clip of Paul Anka dressing down his band has changed the way I deal with my employees and the world. It's important you listen to it.
Multitasking
 This weekend I went to St. Babs and, as a Deputy Mayor and Commissioner of Civil Marriages, performed the wedding of my friends Steve and Robyn. I think if I am nominated a Kentucky Colonel or name-checked in a Ludacris song I will still not have received a greater honor. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Having said that, here is Steve receiving a pre-marital shave from Santa Barbara barber, actor, and Navajo Nations certified Peacemaker Carlos Quintero. I got my haircut soon after this photo was taken and, as we talked, Carlos kept handing me business cards of his different occupations.
He's running for Santa Barbara City Council in November. You should vote for him.
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