Mercury in retrograde in Teletubby Land
It has been a tough few days for ACI, who caught the stomach flu from some rotten kid.
Advised to keep her stable and upright, we watched a lot of television with her, most of which consisted of four endlessly-repeating Teletubbies DVDs.
From these I gleaned the following irrefutable truths:
- Tinkywinky is so gay.
- Dipsy is probably headed down that road, too, what with his drag-queeny hat.
- Mercury is clearly in retrograde in Teletubby Land, as evidenced by the fact that the Teletubbies get so much goddamn mileage out of technology breaking down, such as the Tubby Custard machine and the Tubby Toaster.
- Teletubbies are not shown eating anything that isn't sweet, leading one to believe that they probably snack on those rabbits when the cameras aren't rolling.
- When their intestinal televisions are activated (one is left to assume that the activating windmill is a symbol for Jesus), the two female Teletubbies thrust their pelvises and Tinkywinky goes into a drugged, dreamlike state. Only Dipsy appears to not be some kind of deviant.
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by Marty Barrett at Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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