Blurbotron

You know what they always say about Marty, there’s a good reason it rhymes with Party! Barrett doesn’t really ryhme with anything, except, you know, ferret, and no one ever wants to go to a ferret party, not anymore.-Scott Pawley, film acher, Los Angeles

Tempus Fugit

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Oyez

Lynne Rosetto Kaspar tells me to trust my instincts, for some reason

Lynne Rosetto Kaspar is the host of American Public Media’s splendid cooking program “The Splendid Table.” She can even make olive, egg, and fish preparation sound good, and her genuine engagement with her callers strengthened my resolve to rectify my life’s Greatest Failure: my first, worst, and only batch of limoncello that I attempted in 2005. Continue reading Lynne Rosetto Kaspar tells me to trust my instincts, for some reason

My windshield is anointed by God

God showed His face to my windshield, and by extension, me, today, indicating that He has great plans for us both.

I have not received a parking ticket in the City of Los Angeles since January 12, 2009. It was Chinatown. I didn’t contest it.

“Forget it, Marty,” I said, echoing Boz Scaggs. “It’s Chi-town.” Continue reading My windshield is anointed by God

Random Phone Call: Can Mime Save Haiti?

Does altruism exist? Often, when asked to help, we try to control how our help will be received or how it will be utilized, if the recipient will be grateful, if we will be acknowledged, if the results will be beneficial to us, personally, before we agree, rather than giving with eyes closed and arms open. Continue reading Random Phone Call: Can Mime Save Haiti?

The Many Colors of Angus Scrimm or: You Can Learn A Lot from a Tall Man

Because I travel in elite circles, I managed to get Angus Scrimm to write something appropriate on my copy of “Phantasm.” Continue reading The Many Colors of Angus Scrimm or: You Can Learn A Lot from a Tall Man

Nothing’s gonna change my world

Today I outlived John Lennon.

When, at various times in my 28th year, I overcame the lifespans of Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Jimi Hendrix, I gave myself a pat on the back for not being so talented that I became self-destructive.

When I beat Jesus Christ Himself in the Spring of 2002 I was all like: Yes. Continue reading Nothing’s gonna change my world

Soggy Notes from the Storm of the Century

Marty Barrett visits the raging Los Angeles River and notes its height while tactfully dismissing its weight. He does not deign to speculate on how the L.A. River got there or what properties humans share with styrofoam but, to his credit, he avoids becoming hysterical in the face of the Storm of the Century. Continue reading Soggy Notes from the Storm of the Century

Horror in Norway

The poignant and extraterrestrial relationship between Minnie Riperton and Edward Munch is examined in this probing documentary by Marty Barrett. Would Riperton have journeyed to the Earth’s core via the Arctic Circle had Munch not repelled her armies? Did her resolve waver when she saw his swirly nightmarescapes? Continue reading Horror in Norway

The End Times Are At Hand

I will be dismantling and rebooting MartyBarrett.com in the next few weeks. What does that mean to you? Continue reading The End Times Are At Hand

Fogelfoot at Fais Do Do

For my upcoming extra large birthday party at Los Angeles’ Club Fais Do Do on Sunday, November 22, I have enlisted the services of Fogelfoot, the only band listed on the Periodic Table of the Elements and the only band to fully utilize the potential of the Baritone Horn in a rock setting.

The event is free, but my handlers need to know you are coming so a genetic check can be performed (one of the door prizes is a liver).

Party info can be found here.

See also: Fogelfoot

O Captain Trips, My Captain Trips

Standing in line with a thousand other people this morning for my Swine Flu (It’s Not Just for Pigs AnymoreTM) shot, I was struck by how, if only the public health system had been as advanced during the time of “The Stand,” Las Vegas would not have been destroyed by the Trashcan Man’s atom bomb, Nick Andros wouldn’t have been beat up by those Shilo hillbillies, and our dreams wouldn’t to this day be dominated by black women and darker men. Continue reading O Captain Trips, My Captain Trips